Actually, I do not have any plans of writing anything on this blog - at this moment because I'm still so lazy. This cold weather is causing not only my brain to be stagnant but my whole body as well. But I feel the urge to release everything that is inside me right now so despite the lethargy that is enveloping my whole system, I decided to write here now.
When I was still a college student, (Oh, why do I feel that an eternity has already passed when in fact it has been only four months when I graduated?) I was so excited to work. In fact, I started looking for job as early as January and since I started the job hunt early, I was able to find a job even before my graduation. So 6 days after the ceremony, I started working.
I was very happy and full of enthusiasm. I was very ready to conquer the corporate world but this fervor did not last long. After a week of tasting the real work, (well, I do not consider that a real work) I already wanted to quit. I lost the drive to continue working. This was not the kind of work that I was expecting.I was looking for more challenge. A work that I can apply everything that I learned in the university and a work that can give me growth and self-fulfillment. True enough, work life is entirely different from the campus life.
So, even though I have a current job, I still entertain job offers from other companies. There were times I had to take a leave of absence just to attend an interview or an exam. There were also times I secretly sneak out of the office to go to other companies. (Good thing my office was just a walking distance to the other companies) I did this for a few times until I found a possible company and decided to submit my resignation. After three agonizing months, I finally found my freedom.
Six days after my last day at my previous company, I started working in a new one. This time, it is a local company.During the time I was deliberately thinking where to transfer, I made up my mind that I will only choose local companies, a local bank to be exact. Most of the foreign banks here in the country are shared services that fall under the BPO industry and for me, working in this kind of industry is a dead end - no career development. (This is not to degrade those who are working in BPO. I am just stating my own experience) So going back, I found a job that suits my taste. It is a perfect fit to my educational background as a Financial Management graduate. I am a corporate planning analyst. I will be doing a banking industry report where in I will be analyzing the performance of our bank against its competitors.
It is a good choice and I strongly believe that it is a good training ground for me in reaching my future endeavors -- MBA, CFA, ADB. This is the kind of work I am looking for. BUT... why is it that now that I got what I want, I am still not happy? I cannot still find the force to work hard? I was not like this when I was still a student. I always had the urge to study and to keep reaching my goals but now, everything is different. I am not excited to go to the office. In fact, I am more excited to go home and for the weekend to come. And there is another thing, I always feel nervous. I am scared of what will happen next, of committing mistakes, of not meeting their expectations. I have to regain my eagerness and my self-esteem. But I don't know how. I just leave everything to God. I know in His time, everything will be fine.
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